I remember when I started training Jiu Jitsu a few years back. Of course I signed up for the wrong reasons. Everyone does in the beginning. I had that double cheeseburger confidence. Even before the covid lockdowns started, I had been bulking up with a weekly regimen of squats, presses and milkshakes. Man, I could lift so many milkshakes. At 250lbs, there was no way I was going to lose. "I am going to smash all of these guys", I thought as I walked out onto the mats.
The black belt that signed me walked me to the far corner. "Ok, good. The A3 looks like it fits you ok. So at the beginning of class we walk around and shake everyone's hand. Start with the highest belts and work your way to the lower belts. If you show up after the class starts, make sure you wait until the instructor waves you out to take your place in line. Let's get started."
The next 8 months or so of training went pretty much as you'd expect with my attitude. My rolling sessions consisted of me trying to smash my way into side control, lay my gut on top and then try to take my partner's arm home with me. Back then, I thought it was cutting edge but now I call it my "big fat guy kimura game". There wasn't much variety in said game, but it wasn't anything I really paid attention to. The only thing that mattered was getting that sweet, sweet tap. I'd "win" most of my rolls, but when the time came to get stripes I'd never get one. "I don't get it, I'm crushing. Figuratively and literally. Why am I being passed over?".
I remember the beginning of when it all started to click. It was at a session about 10 months or so into my training, the instructor was pairing us off to roll and he paired me up with a much smaller female blue belt, Lisa. "There's gotta be some sort of mistake" I thought. I walked over to the black belt and talked to him on the side. "Hey Rich, Lisa is like 100lbs lighter than me. What do you want me to do?" He looked over at her and back at me and smiled. "I want you to do Jiu Jitsu." Not really understanding the significance of what he said, I shrugged, went back and started the roll.
It really didn't make sense for me to use my normal game against her as the size difference was huge so I decided that I wouldn't use my size or strength as weapons. About 30 seconds in, I realized that I didn't really have any clue about how to break someone down in my closed guard. I also figured out pretty quickly that I didn't know how to use my knees or legs as frames. Lisa kept using up any space I left immediately. She knew how to use her entire body as leverage against my weak points. I was in danger. I looked over at Rich and he laughed and crowed "Uh ohhh Reggie....". "Oh my god!" I gasped, "I've been training Jiu Jitsu for 10 months and I don't know how to do Jiu Jitsu!"
In the months that followed there was a dramatic change in the way that I thought about my training. Rolls were no longer about "winning" or "losing", they were about playing. Rolling, or sparring, I now looked at as a way to find weaknesses in my game. I could use these sessions to learn what I was habitually doing wrong and experiment with new ideas. At the same time, I could help my training partner with areas that they were struggling with. The more I helped my training partner, the better that my game got. And the more I viewed my training partners as teachers instead of combatants, the less stressful my sparring sessions became. I was able to remember and execute so much more than before, when I looked at everything as a fight.
All this is basically to say that: I believe that in order to become a black belt, I mean a true black belt in spirit, you need to become a servant. My ego robbed me of almost a years worth of training and a large part of my training still involves learning to see when my ego is flaring. When I catch myself getting worked up, I calm myself down and try to get back to being a servant. A servant is humble. He or she is not bound by hurt feelings or embarrassment and can learn with a free mind and open heart. A servant shares knowledge freely when asked and does not covet or wish ill. A servant is an empty cup. Practice being a servant.